In a new study released today a group of scientists has found that 59% of smoking deaths are in fact caused by lightsaber wounds. Conducted by the Marlboro Institute, the aim was to refute the current misconception that the highest percentage of smoking related deaths was attributed to cancer. Already claiming victory, Adolph Vanbusen, CEO and majority stockholder of Bensen and Hedges had this to say, “I am well pleased to see that the public will finally be educated on the true dangers of smoking tobacco. Once again, this societal problem can be laid at the feet of Mr. George Lucas.”

However, Chris Downs, longtime smoker and lightsaber user doubts the validity of the findings, “I don’t really know how they can just go out and claim something to be dangerous. I mean, have they ever even used a lightsaber? Treat it with respect it deserves and be sure to keep it away from children. Yeah, I always keep one in the house. You never know when there will be an intruder, or a stormtrooper.”

According to the study, the majority of deaths in fact occurred during the lighting of the cigarette with the fullly extended lightsaber. Producing a blade 10,000 times hotter than the sun, a lightsaber is a weapon of awesome destruction with the ability to cut through steel, concrete, bone, flesh and every other substance known and unknown to man. “Bringing that blade up to your face to kiss the tip of your cigarette is a dance with death itself,” Vanbusen goes on to say. “Try holding that baby steady when you have had a few beers too. I can see why those things are so dangerous. They are giving our product a bad name!”

Although Downs has yet to fall victim to the dangers of smoking cigarettes the writing may be on the wall. “Yeah, this scar that runs from my forehead down below my jaw was from a ski trip a couple years ago. I accidentally touched my face with the blade in my desperation to get that sweet smoke lit.”

Perhaps the most dangerous phenomenon that occurs between smokers is when two or more lightsaber wielding tobacco users are in the same room or area together. According to the study, there is a 90% higher chance that smoking will lead to death or dismemberment when smoking with a lightsaber when other lightsabers are around. Often these scenarios turn into what the study describes as “duels” between smokers whereby the lightsabers are used in a form of personal combat. On this Downs agrees, “The chances of surviving a direct lightsaber blow are pretty slim alright. I’ve seen a guy cut clean in half when two smokers with green lightsabers saw another guy use his red lightsaber to light his ciggy.”

When asked to comment on the findings of the study George Lucas was unreachable. However, Lucas Film Ltd. and his lawyers issued the following statement in response to the lightsaber accusations. “Lightsabers aren’t real, go back to your parents basement you damn Trekkies.”